Poem of the Week--Early Engagement--Ani Artinian

Well, this poem inspired the most vigorous debate in the history of the Toucan. You'll see why, and we'll say no more, except that we hope you enjoy it, and we respect if you don't.

Early Engagement

by Ani Artinian
She started touching herself in public at the age of 4
Her hand brushing against the bristly blue carpet in kindergarten class
While an irritating boy with a mushroom cut named Drew asked her to marry him
(The fact that she was masturbating at the time made her say “Okay”, tentatively).
Overcome with joy, he went to find a ring befitting his young bride
But by the time he returned with the white plastic Donald Duck ring
She had already finished
(A little orgasm for a little girl)
And she no longer had any interest in marrying him whatsoever.
A moment of arousal and POOF it was over,
Yet here you are engaged at the age of 4 to a boy you don’t even think is cute.
The teacher witnessed the scene with growing concern
And from now on resorts to pulling the girl’s hand away
Every time she gets into position, flat on her stomach and begins to reach down
For that feeling
That mystery she’s grabbing for everyday now,
Not knowing what she’s doing or why.
Teachers and parents are up in arms,
But mostly think it’s a lost cause
(How do you explain shame to a child?)
And that this is a sure sign of the promiscuity to come,
A slut in the making who will be fucking boys by grade school
But for now STOP THAT is all they can say with a stern look,
Coupled with a slapping away of the offending eager hand.
In fact, the girl grows up not to be a slut,
But a shy girl who spreads her legs rarely
And blushes at the very thought,
Saying the word “sex” at a lower volume than all others,
Perhaps because somewhere amongst all the slapping and stern looks
That sense of shame did squirrel and plant itself firmly
Into the recesses of her subconscious mind
And now as an adult she is timid, afraid,
Completely uncomfortable with doggy-style,
The unabashed display of her big pink ass in the air
Without her big brown eyes to accompany it.
In fact this girl is much better off;
When something is shameful
You learn to rush through it
So now 19 years later
Ring or no ring
She can get herself off in 32 seconds flat.