So one evening while fumbling with a question I came up with this idea. I attached the question to the ceiling, and after tying a tilde around my neck I hung from the question, but my bed was right at my feet. Darn, too close! So I attached another question mark alongside the first, using the first as leverage so I could venture closer to the centre of the room and away from my bed, and once it was secured tightly, I tied the tilde around my neck, took one giant breath and …
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“Yeah, that’s right, baby. Just waltzin’ my tilde, waltzin’ my tilde. Ha! Ha! I. luvs. Punctuation. Man :-~ I just luvs it! :-~
I mean, everyone was hooked on something, man: commas, colons, exclamation marks, periods, quotation marks, apostrophes. You name it; it was all floatin’ around. I mean, it was gettin’ so freakin’ crazy that people even started cuttin’ up dashes and usin’ them in place of hyphens, doublin’ their quotes, splicin’ their commas, injecting slashes. I mean, pretty soon you couldn’t distinguish between your ampersand and your asterix. Yeah, everyone was in on it, even me. Yeah, that’s right. I’m no different from the rest. I have my punctuation problems. So what. Some overdo it on adjectives, others on verbs. I abuse punctubuse. So what. No big deal. Nuthin’ I can’t handle.
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“That’s right baby; just waltzin’ my tidle!”
But then, suddenly, two guards walked in on me.
“What the heck is goin’ on in here!? What the…? Where in the hell did all this punctuation come from!?”
“Pog mo thoin!”
“What?”
“Pog mo thoin!”
“What did he just say?”
“Not sure. He’s goin’ home?”
And they cut me down. They cut me down so fast that I landed right on my thoin.
“Ouch!” I shouted, staring up at the two goons from the floor. “At least you could’ve given me something to land on!”
“Be quiet, Li’l Story. Just shut yer trap!”
“My trap?”
“Your mouth!”
“My mouth? You tellin’ me to shut my mouth?”
“Yes, Li’l Story. Shut yer mouth!”
“No! I won’t shut my mouth, or my trap. I’ll never shut it!”
“Clam it!”
“Clam it?”
“Yes, clam it, Li’l Story!”
“My mouth?”
Both guards looked at one another.
“No! Shut yer mouth!” Pause. “Why can’t we tell him to clam his mouth?”
“Not sure.”
“I mean, he can shut his mouth, shut his trap, but he can only clam it. Why is that?”
“Why is what?”
“That he can shut his mouth, shut his trap but he can only clam it?”
“Pog mo thoin!”
“Clam your mouth, Li’l Story! Shut it! Just keep yer trap shut! Listen you, ya little whatever you are! Yer not goin’ home! And where did all this punctuation come from?”
“I got my sources.” :-~
“Don’t get smart with us ya Li’l Story!”
;-)
“Stop that!”
:-\
“We’re warnin’ you, Li’l Story. One more word out of you …”
“I ain’t usin’ words” ;-{}
“All right, that’s about enough of that!”
And then I was bound, wrapped in a bracket jacket, and we retracted to the back of the barracks and where they commenced to whack the crap outta me.
:-<>
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