Wallflower, Meghan McCarthy

I watched my sister marry her high school sweetheart

Over the internet in a Vegas chapel.

She could not stop giggling like a child as her hubby

Popped his gum and smirked.

I watched them disappear across the country,

Bury their new lives together in snow.

They built ties to his family in Minnesota

Hoping that they would become Indian rich.

I watched my sister push through the breezeway

Beaming brightly with a present in hand.

She handed it to our father and my mother.

Tissue paper hid a bib: I love my grandparents.

I watched as she bought maternity dresses

Loud and pink, for her plane ride home

To the ice and cold.

Holding her unborn belly like a rock.

I watched as my mother paced about the kitchen

Closing her eyes and holding the bridge of her nose

Coaxing her across the phone lines to be strong.

Everyone gets afraid at first…

I watched as they doted over baby #1

Praising him for his blue eyes

That jumped out of his pale skin.

Holding his hand like a purse.

I watched as she dragged her luggage

Behind her back to California.

Hubby quietly cursing her for making Indians angry,

His feet twitching with regret.

I watched as she became heavy with a ticket.

Buying pink bows and Disney dolls

For a nameless child.

Her womb a bed chamber in a treasure chest.

I watched as she let the babies crawl

On defile floors as she watched TV

Vexed when I picked them up to hold them.

Instincts only a mother should have.

I watched as she stood with her shoulder

Digging in the doorway

A witness to her own life condensed to

Cardboard boxes sent back to home.

I watched as she held baby #2

Who squirms in frustration

Doe-eyed squints chronicling cluttered floors

Tiny fresh eyes seeing the spectacle I’ve seen before and before.

I watched her take seconds as the first plate decayed.

She spit fire to those who loved

And listened.

Forced to eat from Mom and Dad’s pantry.

I watched little eyes of innocence

Scan the house for da-da

Who found more warmth

In the ice and cold.

I watch it unravel like a spool of red ribbon.

Swiftly it rides in the wind she cannot control.

Pouring over itself

With each tooth that creeps through the gums.

Entangling sore silk

In a picture you cannot hang on the wall.