i lost my virginity
on the back seat of jason rider’s
mini cooper
he was a right tosser
so these days i fantasize
it had been
with johnny depp
then
on the m25 i lost
my no claims bonus
going bumper to bumper
with ewan mc gregor
i think i may have left
a few scratches behind
although the paintwork
looked undamaged
at the wheel
on the road to mandalay
i closed my eyes
dreaming
of having james mc avoy’s
phone number
calling him and calling him
but he never rung back
i was so ditched
from now on i’m only driving
automatics
manual gear sticks
are such a distraction
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