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Friday, October 14, 2011

Piece of the Week, Epistemological Sundays, Timothy B. Dodd

Our crisises are usually existential, not epistemological, but you never know.

Epistemological Sundays
by Timothy B. Dodd

“Difference between you and me is you think you know, but I know I know,” Assistant Pastor Legg said to Assistant Pastor Wilton as they stood with two deacons after Sunday morning services. Pastor Dunn and the parishioners had already departed, leaving the group of men alone at the bottom of the grand stairs leading up to the church. Assistant Pastor Wilton felt a little piece of himself floating out of his skull. Perhaps it was the anger that had long boiled over in him from Assistant Pastor Legg’s condescending tone. The two deacons easily read his disgruntlement, but as a pastor-in-training awaiting ordination, he was compelled to silence. Assistant Pastor Wilton swallowed hard while waiting for one of the deacons to follow up or change the subject. He stared at Assistant Pastor Legg’s tie, cut nearly down to the knot after losing the final week of a Sunday school contest. Assistant Pastor Legg tried to puff out his chest as his arrogance doubled at Wilton’s expense, but this only resulted in a further extension of his belly and the gold-trimmed Bible lying on it.

“I knew the women would win that contest, Pastor Legg,” one of the deacons finally said.

“Yeah, can’t hardly beat ‘em,” Legg replied. Speakin’ of beatin’, I’ll probably get one if Delores has to wait on me much longer.”

“Shoney’s waitin’ on you too, Pastor Legg?” asked the second deacon with a smile.

“Yeah, I told ‘em ‘bout 12:30 they should have a Slim Jim and onion rings or two waitin’ for me.” The deacons laughed as Assistant Pastor Legg walked away.

Assistant Pastor Wilton remained quiet during the banter, but he felt relieved once Assistant Pastor Legg was gone and wanted to assert some of the authority he had just been forced to swallow.

“Boy, that moral relevantism is gonna be the downfall of this country,” he said with the confidence of a man who had just bet and won.

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