Savage Water, Ricky Garni

I saw it in the Sky Mall catalogue

“Where The Sky Is Just One Big Mall”

They say.

It was called the Box of Applause.

Everybody thought The Box of Applause

would be a great present.

I didn’t think so and everybody said You’re stupid.

Or maybe You’re a super moron.

 I forget which.

What about a Box of Boos? I asked.

It could smell like Corinthian leather.

From some cowboy movie.

I would also like a Box of Yikes.

Or perhaps a Box of Ay! Carambas!

Nobody wants Yikes or Carambas,

everybody said.

Sometimes I don’t feel appreciated.

Last Christmas, for instance, I got a Box of Nothing.

Which was fine, because I didn’t really want a box

of anything. That’s OK. What I really wanted was

a perfume called Eau Savage.

It comes in a bottle.

It means Savage Water.

I had to go to the dictionary to figure that one out.

Euuuwww... Savage Water. It sounded so fancy.

It makes me think of going down the rapids

while screaming Son of a Bitch.

It smells like oranges that you pick in your yard.

I mean, if you have oranges in your yard.

And if you like to pick oranges.

It was in French and everything.

Eau Savage.

I don’t think there are oranges in France.

I don’t like oranges.

Rapids make me want to go tinkle.

Boxes float downstream.

I like to smell nice.

I don't have a yard.