Teacher Man, Mitch Grabois

They shiver through my classes
icicles forming at the end of their noses
stuffed uncomfortably in student desks circa 1894

The classroom has a wood stove half the size
of a 1967 VW van
and piles of wood four feet high
making it appear that I am lecturing in a region of foothills
but I do not light a match

I inform them that coolness aids concentration
In fact, I’ve written it at the top of the blackboard
in capital letters four inches high
It looks like this:
COOLNESS AIDS CONCENTRATION
The fuckers, they misbehave just to get swats from my
wooden paddle, drilled with holes to be aerodynamic,
because that’s the only way they can warm up even slightly

Preparing to deliver the punishment 
I swing my paddle like a cricket stick
then let fly

I knew, from quite young, that I wanted a career in education
The life of the mind!